Tears for fears...

Monday night. Massive meltdown. I really needed it though. It's been building up for so long and I finally needed to release.

James flew home from Singapore for the weekend to spend some time with us, he is home for 3 days and flies out tomorrow for another 10 days of business in Singapore. I miss him terribly when he is away. Like most spouses, I know. But I don't live near my family and I often feel isolated and lonely, living in the big smoke.

So the picture above is very similiar to what I resembled, an hour ago on the sofa. Weeping and sulking to my husband.

I usually love a good cry. A soppy movie. A sad book. An emotional ad about nappies or child birth or labour usually gets the tears going.

But lately, my cries have been, well, scary. Mole hills turn into mountains. Things are blown out of proportion. I throw all sense and logic out the window and don't think rationally, which leads to these meltdowns of emotion and fear.

Fear of the unknown. Fear of the future, of change. Fear of losing control, of having no control.

Remember your childhood, when the only thing you worried about was getting roused on by your parents? Or losing a weekend sports game? You never worried about the future.

Fast forward to now. A 28 year old wife and mother. And I find myself constantly worrying. About everything. About finding a playgroup with like-minded mothers. About making sure Abi hits her targets in swim class and Gymbaroo. Making sure I read 5-10 books to her a day. That she is developing normally. That I am being the best wife I can be. Then I stop. And realise, you can't worry about all these things, all the time. I need to learn to ponder on these issues every now and then, but I can't let them rule my life.

Meltdown over.

xoxo 

Australia Day...

was 37 days ago... Can you believe it's already March 2010?!

I finally downloaded all my summer photos and here are a few taken on Australia Day. We had a low-key BBQ on the balcony, just the 3 of us. Perfect weather, perfect company, great food and no plans, what a perfect way to spend a Tuesday in January...

James enjoying the view...

Watching the boats sail by...

Abi tucking into some fresh watermelon, her favourite fruit!

Family portrait... 

My beautiful Abi...

Summer at its best, a gorgeous sunny day...

xoxo

2010...

And I'm only just starting my year now, in mid February!!

Due to taking an extended holiday over January, I feel like I'm starting my year now. I only just opened my fresh blank 2010 diary from Kikki-K this week. And because I'm slightly anxious (hmmm) I already feel guilty for having my head in the clouds since Xmas Eve, when I officially started holidaying.

Can you blame me though for extending my holiday when I woke up every day in January to this?

Am trying to keep fit and have pushed myself to exercise every day this week. I walked 4kms today with Abigail in the pram, and by the end of the walk, I was completely flushed and covered in sweat. Pity me, because I have to walk past a whole heap of beautiful, corporate attired, mid 20's women, who probably think I look like a candidate for The Biggest Loser...

Next week I have an appointment with a dietition to talk about making changes, eating healthy and lifestyle habits. I'm nervous and excited at the same time.

My Pop who had a serious stroke last week has been moved from intensive care to a ward. His speech has been affected and he can no longer walk for more than a few metres at a time, but apart from that, he is ok. I will hopefully visit him on the weekend.

J is off to Singapore next weekend for business. He asked if Abigail and I would like to go with him, which would be fun. I'd love to see all my Singaporean friends, but living out of a hotel room for 2 weeks with a toddler takes its toll... on everyone!

Abigail has just drifted off to sleep, so I'm hoping to have a cheeky nanna-nap while she is down.

xoxo

Saturday...

It's a good friend's 30th Birthday party tonight. I have NOTHING to wear, as usual. I'm thinking jeans, a black blazer, ballet flats and scarf will suffice.

We are dropping Abi off to my Mums house for her 2nd official sleep-over. We left Abi with Mum last Wednesday night to go see Bad Religion at The Hordern Pavilion. It was the 1st night I had ever spent away from Abi and I really struggled. I had a mild panic attack at the concert, thinking about not being with her when she woke up. Probably sounds stupid I know, I should have enjoyed my night off from motherhood.

Bad Religion. One of my favourite bands of the 90's.

Anyway, I'm sure I'll be better tonight.

It's rainy and wet and windy today. Total indoor weather. I hope the rain holds off tonight, we are walking to the party from the apartment and don't really want to carry our massive golf umbrella with a certain bank logo on it ;)

I'm going to get my hair done at Global Hair in Paddington this evening, before the party. My hair is in that real "nothing" phase at the moment. Haven't had my hair cut or coloured in... forever!

Watched the first 4 episodes of Season 3 of Gossip Girl last night. It's not the most amazing show anymore, but I like watching it for the youth appeal, music and fashion.

Gossip Girl cast

Am off to pack an overnight bag for Abigail.

xoxo

Land ahoy!

Been awhile since my last post.

So, after 4 months of searching on real estate websites, spending every weekend with agents being shown crappy properties, James and I made the decision that we would rather build our own home.

We found a brilliant piece of land in the Hills District and are just about to sign contracts in the next few weeks.

Finally, we will have a place to call home! To be honest, I don't mind living in the city but it's not very convenient with a toddler. Plus all my kids classes like swimming lessons and Gymbaroo are out in the Hills District too.

Will post a pic of our land the next time we do a site visit.

xoxo

Birthday Baby

Today is Abigail's 1st Birthday. I can't believe it.

My little angel is growing up and I'm not sure I like it! I've been abit emotional today, nothing to major though.

She opened 2 presents this morning, an Elmo Live doll and a Chatterbox Fisher Price telephone which is so cute.

Her other gifts include some Adidas 3 stripe trainers, wooden puzzles, a wooden pull-along duck, an Iggle Piggle and Upsy Daisy dolls from the children's tv show 'In the Night Garden', 2 new DVDs and some clothes too.

Her party is tomorrow and being held at my in-laws house in Dural. It's going to be a small, family affair.

How my life has changed so much since she has come into my world. I haven't spent 1 night away from her yet.

She is my whole world and I can't imagine my life without her now. Every day I love her more and more.

Happy Birthday Abigail Rose

Love Mumma
xoxo

The end of an era...

I won't go into it too much... Today Michael Jackson, the King of Pop, passed away.

He was my childhood hero. I have fond memories of dancing around the family living room at our house in Murrumba Place, listening to Beat It over and over again. Mum's record even skips now when you play that one song, because we scratched the vinyl with our hardcore moves!

Over the years, MJ has been in the media for all the wrong reasons about his health, children and cases about child molestation. He was never charged for any crimes and I guess the only people who really ever knew what happened were MJ and that little boy. The father of the 'victim' said in an interview once;

"If I go through with this, I win big-time. There's no way I lose. I will get everything I want and they will be destroyed forever...Michael's career will be over".

In the end, they settled out of court, but MJ's reputation was tarnished forever.

May he rest in peace now. We'll miss you MJ...

xoxo

Driving....

It's fine, I'm fine, Abi is fine and that's all that matters.

Yesterday I was in Castle Towers car park, waiting for a couple to leave their spot so I could park the beasty 4WD and head into the shops.

This woman in a Barina, drove past me on my right and attempted to turn right, behind my car and completely underestimated how much room she needed and then drove right into my bumper.

This stupid woman who was walking past said to me, "You're reversing into someone, stop!!" and I told her my car was in 'Drive' mode and that I also have reverse sensors in the car that warn me when I'm in 'Reverse' mode.

So the woman has driven into my car, then decides to reverse back along the bumper. I jumped out of the car and asked her what the hell she was doing. She was apologetic but confused. She started crying, telling me her boyfriend was cheating on her and that she had just found out. While that is a sad story, I had a baby in the car and told her to calm down.

My in-laws generously loaned that car to me, and it's such an amazing car! I care for it, as if it were my own and they know I drive safely and responsibly.

I drove to my Mother-in-laws house after lunch and showed her the car. Turns out we buffed all the scratches off the bumper and removed the white paint (off her car), off my parking sensor so the car looks fine. The parking sensor is a little loose so when I have the car serviced at BMW, I will ask them to check it and replace it if it's faulty.

Then I drove home to the city at around 5pm knowing the traffic could be a little hairy. I drove in the Transit 2 lane, forgetting how great having a baby in the car is! Once over the Harbour Bridge, the traffic on York /Erskine Street was so bad. It took me 20 minutes to travel 1km. I had a few taxis nearly clip the front of the car, trying to cut in front of me. Then sitting on Erskine Street, a bus pulled up next to me. It was so close to me, I put my window down and I could actually touch the bus from my car. The side of the bus was about 50cms from my mirror!

Driving in Singapore was a breeze. The lanes are wide, the freeways join up all over the island, and the roads are kept in such amazing condition. I don't think I saw a pothole in 2 years! Now that I've moved home to Sydney, I forgot how appauling the roads are here. The lanes are too narrow, the drivers disrespectful and the roads are falling to pieces. I was out for dinner with a girlfriend the other night, and driving along Sussex Street, I commented that you actually need a 4WD to navigate that road because of the uneven surfaces and potholes.

Anyway, we're ok. It just annoys me when people do silly things. I know that once we buy a house in the suburbs that city traffic won't be a problem for us anymore... Until then, look out for me. Mummymck in the black 4wd, safely navigating around Sydney CBD...

xoxo

Marriage

This is my husband James. This photo was taken on our wedding day, obviously!

Our tale is a special one.

I began dating James when I was 13 years old. Yes, you read correctly, 13!

Over the years, we grew up together and formed a special friendship. A partnership, if you will.

In 2002 whilst holidaying in Paris, he proposed marriage on the banks of the River Seine, a moment that I will never forget. I accepted and with the addition of a lovely but simple ring from Tiffany & Co, we continued with our lives as normal.

It wasn't for another 5 years that we finally decided to make it official and marry in 2007. We were married on Hayman Island in the Whitsundays, around a small group of family and friends. The 4 day weekend was enjoyed by all, as we celebrated of love, friendship and family as well as the beautiful tropical surroundings.

We have our moments, like every married couple does. But we love and respect eachother. I guess that's all that matters...

Motherhood

This is my daughter Abi. She is the light of my life... Literally, the best thing in my life.

She was born in Singapore last year. We recently moved home to Sydney and she is adjusting well to her new surroundings here...

I want what every parent wants. I want her to be the best person she can be. Intelligent, honest, compassionate and loyal. Funny, witty, clever and confident. Charming, sweet, beautiful and caring...

Raising a child isn't like anything else in the world. Every day is different to the one before. It's challenging and scary and fun and intense, all at once.

I wouldn't trade motherhood for anything in the world.

xoxo

Finally... I'm blogging

I remember when I first heard the word 'blog'... I was so mystified as to what the heck it was!!! That was so many years ago now... And here I am, penning my thoughts for the world to see. Well, not the world... Just whoever stumbles across this page...

I'm not the most articulate person in the world... Sometimes I make no sense... to my husband, friends or even myself... So bear with me...

Here we go...

xoxo