Currently - The Autumn '13 Edition

Hello crisp mornings, dewy lawns, hoodies, scarves, gumboots and slippers. The seasons have shifted to darker, shorter days and soft sunlight. Sniffles are all around and big hearty meals are being cooked.

Autumn is here and as Jodi described in a brilliant post recently, I feel the change and every year it throws me off. I am still waiting on a diagnosis for my health issues, and the annual 'falling in a rut' feeling overcomes me. Healthy eating is out the window, social outings dwindle and I find myself feeling 'bored, stuck, on pause' when really I am completely the opposite right now. Life moving by so fast, baby growing, toddler developing, preschooler learning, that I realise I have to take better care of myself because I am responsible for 3 little people now.

Current Read

The course syllabus for a degree in Psychology. A dream of mine, to one day start (and complete) a degree in Psychology. Even reading the course outline inspires me.

Current Playlist

Albums:

• Phoenix - Bankrupt
• Justin Timberlake - The 20/20 Experience
• James Blake - Overgrown
• Owl Eyes - Night Swim
• The Postal Service - Give Up
• Oblivion - Original Motion Picture Soundtrack complied by M83

Singles:

• Daft Punk - Get Lucky
• James Blake - Retrograde
• Foals - My Number
• Justin Timberlake - Spaceship Coupe
• CHVRCHES - Recover
• Pyramid - Wolf
• Bernard Fanning - Watch Over Me (I walked down the aisle to this song on my wedding day. I heard it on The Voice this week and it reminded me how special the lyrics are. James and I appreciate this song now more than we did 6 years ago).
• Rihanna - Stay
• Florence and the Machine - Over the Love. Flo's new single from The Great Gatsby soundtrack.

Current Colour

Yellow for Harriet's pram. Blue for my beautiful painted house. Spots for bed linen. I paired my doona up with black pillow cases and yellow sheets.

Current Food

Warm, hearty meals like meatloaf, cottage pie, pasta, stir fry and porridge. 

Current Favourite Show

During the night feeds with Harriet, I've been watching reruns of Seinfeld and Ice Hockey games. I don't watch as much TV anymore but when I do, it's the new season of Mad Men, The News Room, & The Voice. Girls Season 3 is already in production which is awesome news too.

Current Movie

James finally set up the Apple TV he received for Xmas. We have watched Les Miserables and The Bachelorette. Argo, Ted and Flight are on my list to watch this weekend. I'd love to see Django Unchained but concerned about how violent it might be. 

Current Wish List

• Gorgeous sunshine on mild Autumn days
• A positive diagnosis on my bizarre health issue.
• To be confident to take leaps. 
• To be confident asking for help.

Current Highlight

I'm really enjoying my therapy sessions for treatment of anxiety. I had a rough session last week but on a whole, I thoroughly enjoy venting my issues and seeking a better path to change the way I think. 

I was blessed to finally meet Amelia 2 weekends ago. I had been counting down the weeks until her arrival and meeting her was such a blessing. You can read more about it on her blog, from her prospective. I will be doing my own post about the family photo session we did with her. It moved me to tears and I am still trying to process how beautiful the photos are. She is a truly special soul and I am glad to have her in my life. 

Photo by Amelia

James graduated from Macquarie Graduate School of Management in December and last Friday, we attended his graduation ceremony. To say I was proud was an understatement. He was one of the youngest in the graduating class, most of his peers well into their 40's and even 50's so to see my husband there at 32 years old, receiving his Masters of Business Administration, my heart swelled with pride and admiration. 

The house has been rendered and painted a gorgeous dark colour. It looks absolutely brilliant. Neighbours have been stopping on the lawn pointing, people driving past to get a glimpse of our never ending renovation. All we have to do now is the landscaping which will start very soon.

Current Lowlight

• A potentially diagnosis of a bizarre disease looming in front of me. 
• Adjusting to becoming a family of 5, I have days where the sheer business of it all leaves me exhausted and out of my element. Then I have good days where I remind myself to go gently.
• Shorter days with less sunshine can make me a little batty. I crave lots of light, sunshine, breezes and warmth. Sometimes I forget how long the winter is.

Current Abigail

My eldest girl is just growing and learning and leaping in bounds as she approaches her 5th Birthday in a few months. Her writing skills have really improved and she loves to draw maps, write letters, colour in books, make craft and paint. She can finally swing on her own on the cubby/swing set. She loves her little sister Harriet so much and pretends to breastfeed her little dolls too. She is a wonderful helper, fetching nappies, burp clothes and toys. I am so grateful to have her in my life.

She loves wearing these oversized toy glasses

Managed to catch this gorgeous image on my iphone, so beautiful

Current Edward

My little man is no longer little. This week he moved into his big bed and seems to be adjusting well. He loves to play with Abi and misses her terribly when she is at pre-school. He is very gentle with Harriet, stroking her head and calming her when she cries. His hair is a long mop of mess, very overdue for a haircut. He loves Monsters Inc and I dare say, his first trip to the cinema will be in 2 months when Monsters University is released. He enjoys having the tradesmen working on the renovation, he watches them all day and asks questions about the work they perform. He loves planes, trucks and helicopters, pointing to the sky when they fly over. We had a small intimate party for his 2nd birthday with just family and 1 set of friends, it was perfect. 

The boy on his 2nd Birthday

Photo by Amelia

Current Harriet

My youngest babe is 12 weeks old tomorrow. I'm still in the thick of the newborn haze and it feels like she was born last week. I already miss those squishy newborn cuddles. Her weight gain has been steady and she is nearly 4.5kgs. She smiles almost the entire time she is awake and is enjoying laying on the mat, swipping at hanging toys. She is a very easy going baby, seldom cries and feeds well. I feel like I've known her for years, and some days all I do is hold her on the sofa, kissing & talking to her. And I wonder why I get nothing done sometimes! 

Taken last week during bath time - 10 weeks old

Current Celeb Crush

Justin Timberlake + Suit and Tie = swoon. Jessica Biel is one lucky lady.

Current Blessing

• New clothes from asos that aren't maternity items. Hooray for new jeans and winter jumpers.
• Short, fun family outings. Taking 3 small children requires a level of planning but last weekend we hopped in the car and went for dumplings at Din Tai Fung and picked up some Zumbarons from Adriano Zumbo on the way home. It was a short outing, but thoroughly enjoyed by all. Other family outings have included fish n chips on Balmoral Beach, dumplings in the city, a wedding in Stanmore followed by a drive to show the kids the first house James and I lived in together, and various park and picnic playdates.

Balmoral Beach

Current Excitement

• Planning a little family getaway for Mother's Day, we all need a few days away!
• My husband, sister and father-in-law all celebrating Birthday's in May.
• Another family vacation planned in November to the Yacht Club Villas on Hamilton Island. Bring on the sun in the gorgeous Whitsundays!

Harriet the Doll

Seeing as my last post was so serious and sad, I thought I would post an update on my latest wee babe Harriet Pearl.

She is the light of our lives. A wonderful sleeper and has already slept through many nights. Last night, her final feed of the day was at 9:30pm and she didn't stir until 6:15am. Yes, my bosoms were rock hard when she woke but I was grateful for the sleep. 

She is a great feeder although this week we hit our first speed-bump with a case of thrush (me) and as a result of this, Hattie has been vomiting up blood. It's rather confronting to see a 9 week old baby covered in what looks like strawberry jam puke, so I have decided today to pump from the sore/infected side until the blood disperses. Wish me luck, I am in foreign territory here. I had mastitis with both Abi and Ted but never thrush. I also have a razor throat today and hope she doesn't catch a potential virus from me.  To say I've had a crummy week, is a major underestimation.

Abi and Ted love their new sister to bits. They often help with settling her, bringing me nappies and wipes, burp clothes and my feeding pillow. They want to hold her at any given chance and to them, she is probably like a doll, considering she is still quite small. This week, Harriet weighs in at 4.01kgs so James and I are stoked that she is really thriving now.

Time certainly flies with a 3rd child in the home. Since Harriet has come along, we have run out of hot water, had folding bursting from the laundry, shed tears of joy and laughter. Life as a family of 5 is big change, but a lovely one.

A thoughtful friend of mine gifted me with the Baby Milestone card set when Harriet was born. They are absolutely adorable and I have had so many comments since I started using them. Here is the a couple of the photos below;

I feel like I've known Harriet for years. She is quiet and peaceful and seldom cries. Sometimes when she sleeps, she literally looks like a doll. She is smiling and coo'ing and kicking her legs in her bouncer. I cannot wait for every day to begin with her in my life. 

The Waiting Game

Hi friends,

The last few days have been some of the hardest in memory.

I looked in the mirror on the long weekend and barely recognised the woman staring back at me. I looked tired, sad and distant.

As I write this post, I am dealing with some pretty heavy personal health issues that ravage me with serious emotional ups and downs.

Next week, I have a hearing test booked. Then another appointment with my GP whom I've seen twice in the last two weeks. There is talks of seeing a neurologist and ENT as well. MRI and Cat Scans, Audiograms and blood tests have been ordered.

At the moment, the outlook is uncertain. But I am potentially going to be diagnosed with Meniere's Disease, an incurable disorder of the ears. What this means, is that I'll suffer from it for the rest of my life. We don't know what triggered it off, most likely my recent pregnancy. Since pregnancy increases the retaining of fluid, this has triggered off a serious of symptoms that my Ob-Gyn, GP and nurses couldn't find a diagnosis for.

My symptoms are severe. I don't have any warning when an attack will strike, but when it does, I am bed ridden for days with vertigo and tinnitus, followed by days of fuzziness in the head. I cannot take medication as I am breastfeeding Harriet who is only 8 weeks old.

My family have been concerned about my well being for months and as my Mum checked in on me this week after another appointment with my GP,  she mentioned that my uncle has Meniere's Disease too. So we do have a family history of the illness.

I had an attack on Friday night which really frightened me. My last attack was early January and it was mild at best. I convinced myself that after I gave birth, the symptoms would disperse and I would recover.

Our family plans for Easter were cancelled. I felt guilty all weekend, watching the kids become bored inside. They didn't seem to mind, watching movies, doing craft and building lego. But I was overwhelmed with guilt, knowing that this could be a common part of our future as a family. Plans being cancelled, and my children watching me become bed ridden and unable to care for them. During an attack I am barely able to care for myself as the symptoms make driving, cooking, even doing basic things like going to the toilet impossible. I think deep down this is the worst part of the disease, that I will always need someone to care for me when I become symptomatic.

Treatment for the disease is different for everyone. Some people claim a low sodium diet helps, as salt retains fluid in the body. Most people treat the vertigo with heavy medication like Valium to calm themselves during an attack.

I guess I can't get too carried away with all this information until it has been confirmed. But as my usual anxious self, I have already pictured a life, living with this disease and it what that will entail for my family and myself.

I am seeing my therapist next week and will be able to get some techniques to deal with the anger and denial that I am feeling.

It's a waiting game, for results and relying on the professionals for more information and advice.

I will know more soon, until then xx