Currently - The Autumn '13 Edition

Hello crisp mornings, dewy lawns, hoodies, scarves, gumboots and slippers. The seasons have shifted to darker, shorter days and soft sunlight. Sniffles are all around and big hearty meals are being cooked.

Autumn is here and as Jodi described in a brilliant post recently, I feel the change and every year it throws me off. I am still waiting on a diagnosis for my health issues, and the annual 'falling in a rut' feeling overcomes me. Healthy eating is out the window, social outings dwindle and I find myself feeling 'bored, stuck, on pause' when really I am completely the opposite right now. Life moving by so fast, baby growing, toddler developing, preschooler learning, that I realise I have to take better care of myself because I am responsible for 3 little people now.

Current Read

The course syllabus for a degree in Psychology. A dream of mine, to one day start (and complete) a degree in Psychology. Even reading the course outline inspires me.

Current Playlist

Albums:

• Phoenix - Bankrupt
• Justin Timberlake - The 20/20 Experience
• James Blake - Overgrown
• Owl Eyes - Night Swim
• The Postal Service - Give Up
• Oblivion - Original Motion Picture Soundtrack complied by M83

Singles:

• Daft Punk - Get Lucky
• James Blake - Retrograde
• Foals - My Number
• Justin Timberlake - Spaceship Coupe
• CHVRCHES - Recover
• Pyramid - Wolf
• Bernard Fanning - Watch Over Me (I walked down the aisle to this song on my wedding day. I heard it on The Voice this week and it reminded me how special the lyrics are. James and I appreciate this song now more than we did 6 years ago).
• Rihanna - Stay
• Florence and the Machine - Over the Love. Flo's new single from The Great Gatsby soundtrack.

Current Colour

Yellow for Harriet's pram. Blue for my beautiful painted house. Spots for bed linen. I paired my doona up with black pillow cases and yellow sheets.

Current Food

Warm, hearty meals like meatloaf, cottage pie, pasta, stir fry and porridge. 

Current Favourite Show

During the night feeds with Harriet, I've been watching reruns of Seinfeld and Ice Hockey games. I don't watch as much TV anymore but when I do, it's the new season of Mad Men, The News Room, & The Voice. Girls Season 3 is already in production which is awesome news too.

Current Movie

James finally set up the Apple TV he received for Xmas. We have watched Les Miserables and The Bachelorette. Argo, Ted and Flight are on my list to watch this weekend. I'd love to see Django Unchained but concerned about how violent it might be. 

Current Wish List

• Gorgeous sunshine on mild Autumn days
• A positive diagnosis on my bizarre health issue.
• To be confident to take leaps. 
• To be confident asking for help.

Current Highlight

I'm really enjoying my therapy sessions for treatment of anxiety. I had a rough session last week but on a whole, I thoroughly enjoy venting my issues and seeking a better path to change the way I think. 

I was blessed to finally meet Amelia 2 weekends ago. I had been counting down the weeks until her arrival and meeting her was such a blessing. You can read more about it on her blog, from her prospective. I will be doing my own post about the family photo session we did with her. It moved me to tears and I am still trying to process how beautiful the photos are. She is a truly special soul and I am glad to have her in my life. 

Photo by Amelia

James graduated from Macquarie Graduate School of Management in December and last Friday, we attended his graduation ceremony. To say I was proud was an understatement. He was one of the youngest in the graduating class, most of his peers well into their 40's and even 50's so to see my husband there at 32 years old, receiving his Masters of Business Administration, my heart swelled with pride and admiration. 

The house has been rendered and painted a gorgeous dark colour. It looks absolutely brilliant. Neighbours have been stopping on the lawn pointing, people driving past to get a glimpse of our never ending renovation. All we have to do now is the landscaping which will start very soon.

Current Lowlight

• A potentially diagnosis of a bizarre disease looming in front of me. 
• Adjusting to becoming a family of 5, I have days where the sheer business of it all leaves me exhausted and out of my element. Then I have good days where I remind myself to go gently.
• Shorter days with less sunshine can make me a little batty. I crave lots of light, sunshine, breezes and warmth. Sometimes I forget how long the winter is.

Current Abigail

My eldest girl is just growing and learning and leaping in bounds as she approaches her 5th Birthday in a few months. Her writing skills have really improved and she loves to draw maps, write letters, colour in books, make craft and paint. She can finally swing on her own on the cubby/swing set. She loves her little sister Harriet so much and pretends to breastfeed her little dolls too. She is a wonderful helper, fetching nappies, burp clothes and toys. I am so grateful to have her in my life.

She loves wearing these oversized toy glasses

Managed to catch this gorgeous image on my iphone, so beautiful

Current Edward

My little man is no longer little. This week he moved into his big bed and seems to be adjusting well. He loves to play with Abi and misses her terribly when she is at pre-school. He is very gentle with Harriet, stroking her head and calming her when she cries. His hair is a long mop of mess, very overdue for a haircut. He loves Monsters Inc and I dare say, his first trip to the cinema will be in 2 months when Monsters University is released. He enjoys having the tradesmen working on the renovation, he watches them all day and asks questions about the work they perform. He loves planes, trucks and helicopters, pointing to the sky when they fly over. We had a small intimate party for his 2nd birthday with just family and 1 set of friends, it was perfect. 

The boy on his 2nd Birthday

Photo by Amelia

Current Harriet

My youngest babe is 12 weeks old tomorrow. I'm still in the thick of the newborn haze and it feels like she was born last week. I already miss those squishy newborn cuddles. Her weight gain has been steady and she is nearly 4.5kgs. She smiles almost the entire time she is awake and is enjoying laying on the mat, swipping at hanging toys. She is a very easy going baby, seldom cries and feeds well. I feel like I've known her for years, and some days all I do is hold her on the sofa, kissing & talking to her. And I wonder why I get nothing done sometimes! 

Taken last week during bath time - 10 weeks old

Current Celeb Crush

Justin Timberlake + Suit and Tie = swoon. Jessica Biel is one lucky lady.

Current Blessing

• New clothes from asos that aren't maternity items. Hooray for new jeans and winter jumpers.
• Short, fun family outings. Taking 3 small children requires a level of planning but last weekend we hopped in the car and went for dumplings at Din Tai Fung and picked up some Zumbarons from Adriano Zumbo on the way home. It was a short outing, but thoroughly enjoyed by all. Other family outings have included fish n chips on Balmoral Beach, dumplings in the city, a wedding in Stanmore followed by a drive to show the kids the first house James and I lived in together, and various park and picnic playdates.

Balmoral Beach

Current Excitement

• Planning a little family getaway for Mother's Day, we all need a few days away!
• My husband, sister and father-in-law all celebrating Birthday's in May.
• Another family vacation planned in November to the Yacht Club Villas on Hamilton Island. Bring on the sun in the gorgeous Whitsundays!

Harriet the Doll

Seeing as my last post was so serious and sad, I thought I would post an update on my latest wee babe Harriet Pearl.

She is the light of our lives. A wonderful sleeper and has already slept through many nights. Last night, her final feed of the day was at 9:30pm and she didn't stir until 6:15am. Yes, my bosoms were rock hard when she woke but I was grateful for the sleep. 

She is a great feeder although this week we hit our first speed-bump with a case of thrush (me) and as a result of this, Hattie has been vomiting up blood. It's rather confronting to see a 9 week old baby covered in what looks like strawberry jam puke, so I have decided today to pump from the sore/infected side until the blood disperses. Wish me luck, I am in foreign territory here. I had mastitis with both Abi and Ted but never thrush. I also have a razor throat today and hope she doesn't catch a potential virus from me.  To say I've had a crummy week, is a major underestimation.

Abi and Ted love their new sister to bits. They often help with settling her, bringing me nappies and wipes, burp clothes and my feeding pillow. They want to hold her at any given chance and to them, she is probably like a doll, considering she is still quite small. This week, Harriet weighs in at 4.01kgs so James and I are stoked that she is really thriving now.

Time certainly flies with a 3rd child in the home. Since Harriet has come along, we have run out of hot water, had folding bursting from the laundry, shed tears of joy and laughter. Life as a family of 5 is big change, but a lovely one.

A thoughtful friend of mine gifted me with the Baby Milestone card set when Harriet was born. They are absolutely adorable and I have had so many comments since I started using them. Here is the a couple of the photos below;

I feel like I've known Harriet for years. She is quiet and peaceful and seldom cries. Sometimes when she sleeps, she literally looks like a doll. She is smiling and coo'ing and kicking her legs in her bouncer. I cannot wait for every day to begin with her in my life. 

The Waiting Game

Hi friends,

The last few days have been some of the hardest in memory.

I looked in the mirror on the long weekend and barely recognised the woman staring back at me. I looked tired, sad and distant.

As I write this post, I am dealing with some pretty heavy personal health issues that ravage me with serious emotional ups and downs.

Next week, I have a hearing test booked. Then another appointment with my GP whom I've seen twice in the last two weeks. There is talks of seeing a neurologist and ENT as well. MRI and Cat Scans, Audiograms and blood tests have been ordered.

At the moment, the outlook is uncertain. But I am potentially going to be diagnosed with Meniere's Disease, an incurable disorder of the ears. What this means, is that I'll suffer from it for the rest of my life. We don't know what triggered it off, most likely my recent pregnancy. Since pregnancy increases the retaining of fluid, this has triggered off a serious of symptoms that my Ob-Gyn, GP and nurses couldn't find a diagnosis for.

My symptoms are severe. I don't have any warning when an attack will strike, but when it does, I am bed ridden for days with vertigo and tinnitus, followed by days of fuzziness in the head. I cannot take medication as I am breastfeeding Harriet who is only 8 weeks old.

My family have been concerned about my well being for months and as my Mum checked in on me this week after another appointment with my GP,  she mentioned that my uncle has Meniere's Disease too. So we do have a family history of the illness.

I had an attack on Friday night which really frightened me. My last attack was early January and it was mild at best. I convinced myself that after I gave birth, the symptoms would disperse and I would recover.

Our family plans for Easter were cancelled. I felt guilty all weekend, watching the kids become bored inside. They didn't seem to mind, watching movies, doing craft and building lego. But I was overwhelmed with guilt, knowing that this could be a common part of our future as a family. Plans being cancelled, and my children watching me become bed ridden and unable to care for them. During an attack I am barely able to care for myself as the symptoms make driving, cooking, even doing basic things like going to the toilet impossible. I think deep down this is the worst part of the disease, that I will always need someone to care for me when I become symptomatic.

Treatment for the disease is different for everyone. Some people claim a low sodium diet helps, as salt retains fluid in the body. Most people treat the vertigo with heavy medication like Valium to calm themselves during an attack.

I guess I can't get too carried away with all this information until it has been confirmed. But as my usual anxious self, I have already pictured a life, living with this disease and it what that will entail for my family and myself.

I am seeing my therapist next week and will be able to get some techniques to deal with the anger and denial that I am feeling.

It's a waiting game, for results and relying on the professionals for more information and advice.

I will know more soon, until then xx

She's Here...

Welcome to the world Harriet Pearl McKinnon. She made her early arrival into the world on February 1st 2013 at 5:56pm weighing a slight 2.85kgs, measuring 49cms long.

I cannot believe it's been nearly 2 years since I posted about welcoming Ted into my life. He turns 2 next month and seems like he has grown SO much since arriving home from the hospital with Harriet.

My c-section went really well, it was quiet and intimate and I wasn't *too* nervous. My milk has come in and Harriet and I are bonding and feeding well. She is smaller than we had expected but is thriving nonetheless.

More photos to come!

xx

Currently - The Summer '13 Edition

Welcome 2013! Tomorrow is the 1st of February, marking the last month of summer before the year really swings into action. Big things happening this week and I'm super excited to share it with you all.


Current Read
The manual for my new Canon 7D, my amazing Xmas gift from James and the kids.


Current Playlist

Albums:

• Flume - Flume
• Ellie Goulding - Halcyon
• Alt-J - An Awesome Wave
• Clubfeet - Heirs and Graces
• Toro Y Moi - Anything in Return
• The Rubens - The Rubens
• II - Unknown Mortal Orchestra
• Tame Impala - Lonerism

Singles:

• Clubfeet - Everything You Wanted
• Alt-J - Something Good
• Skrillex - The Reason
• Flume - Insane
• The Bloody Beetroots & Greta Svabo Bech - Chronicles of a Fallen Love
• Flight Facilities - Clair Du Lune
• All That Glitters - This Sound
• Gary Clark Jnr - Numb
• M83 - Outro

Current Colour

Green for long grass. White for the nursery walls. Yellow, just because. 

Current Food

Chicken, mineral water, cereal, fish, apple juice, popcorn.

Current Favourite Show

I am trying to get into Masterchef Professionals but it seems to lack something this year. HBO's Girls Season 2 started 3 weeks ago and I am love with this show. Please tune in now if you have missed the boat so far. 

Current Movie

After a mammoth week last week, James was exhausted so I relinquished TV rights and let him pick. We watched the newish Mission Impossible movie: Ghost Protocol which I didn't mind. Not too gory but still a little violent and intense for me being a pregnant wuss at the moment. 

I took Abi to see Wreck it Ralph last week as well, wanting to have a Mummy+Daughter day before baby makes an appearance very soon. She liked it but I think at 4.5 yrs old, alot of the storyline went over her head and by the end she was well and truly ready to leave.

Current Wish List

• Safe and healthy arrival of our baby coming VERY soon! Watch this space.
• Continued success at therapy sessions.
• A warm February to soak in the last of the summer.

Current Highlight

So many to mention these last few weeks. I was sick in hospital 3 weeks ago and James rose to the occasion like never before. All my family were interstate or overseas so we had literally no help except my sister. I was truly grateful for the little help I had. 

I have overcome my desire to need to be in control so much and have hired a cleaner for the next 6 months to help keep the house in order and I have a nanny working for me 1 day a week. I don't feel guilty because I have learned to not push away help anymore. I feel comfortable knowing that the nanny won't be forever, it is a temporary hire and I am relieved to know the kids won't miss out on attention while I settle and adjust with the new baby.

Current Lowlight

I have been feeling sick on and off for the last month of pregnancy. My ears have been blocked which has lead to dizzy spells and vertigo attacks. 3 weeks ago, I spent 2 days in hospital with a virus + dehydration + migraine. It was really unpleasant and took me another week to full recover from. I am more than ready to have this baby!

My Ob/Gyn whom I adore required heart surgery over New Year and is no longer delivering the baby. I am seeing another Dr who I trust and admire but the initial shock of changing Dr's so late in the pregnancy really rattled me. 

My parents will be overseas when baby will be delivered. I can say I am at peace with the decision now but again, the initial shock and lack of help really threw me a few weeks ago. I discussed these issues with my therapist and I feel confident that we will cope with what little resources we will have during the delivery and aftercare of the birth.

Current Abigail

My little angel is growing up so much. She seems to have a growth spurt every few weeks and she matures so quickly. This year, she is attending pre-school 3 days per week and seems to adjusting well to the extra day of learning. I shed tears as she proudly put on her sports uniform for her new kindy at her prep school, she was so proud dressing herself in a "real uniform". I'm glad I still have another 12 months to prepare myself for the REAL kindergarten! Abi is beyond excited about baby's arrival. She talks about it most days, and is very excited as her bedroom is across the hall from the nursery. 

Abi and Ted on her 1st day at the Early Learning Centre Kindy at her Prep School. 

Abi loving the leftover sparklers from New Years Eve. I see myself as a child in this photo of her.

Current Edward

The little man of the house isn't very little anymore. At 23 months old, he is blossoming into the most gorgeous boy. His language is coming along really well and he is linking words which is fantastic. He spends most of his time playing outside on his scooter, digging in the garden and following his Daddy around the house. The playroom is full of trains and trucks and books much to his pleasure. Abi and Ted amuse themselves for hours which is such a blessing to watch. I don't think he understands that he won't be the baby much longer but I am confident he will adapt quickly to becoming a family of 5.

Ted wearing his DJ Lance hat from Yo Gabba Gabba. 

My Super Ted!

Current Celeb Crush

Paul Rudd. I have loved him since 'Clueless'. I recently watched 'Wanderlust' with him and Jennifer Aniston. The movie was woeful but Mr Rudd is a sexy sexy man. 

Current Blessing

• James has taken an unexpected extended break over January to help with the kids while I've been sick and I couldn't love him more for his generosity.
• Enjoying the last few days of pregnancy. While I really want 4 children, I am still considering the idea that this could be my last time carrying and nurturing a baby in my body. I am so blessed to have this joy in my life.
• We had some small renovations take place last week which actually ran ON TIME with no delays. We have new windows throughout the house with new sliding doors and louvre windows too. Now we have more natural light throughout the house than ever before, it looks amazing.
• On a personal note, I have only gained 2.5kgs during this pregnancy. I did gain more but lost it when I was in hospital recently. I was very careful what I ate this time around and am glad all my hard work at the gym hasn't gone to waste with a huge overeating binge during these last few months.

Current Excitement

• Baby's imminent arrival very soon.
• Sharing my joy with no less than 6 other friends who are all due in the next few days/weeks. A dear friend of mine gave birth to a boy on Saturday and I love that we can share the amazing relationship that is motherhood.
• Ted's 2nd Birthday coming up next month. No party is on the cards yet but he will have a terrific celebration I am sure of.
• Change of seasons is almost here. While I love summer and all her glory, I do love the change every 3 months. I am looking forward to wearing jeans and ugg boots and rugging up with my loves.
• I received an apple green Kitchen Aid for Xmas and I am in love with it. I'd love to hear of your favourite recipes or creations as I am quite the novice baker.