Monday night. Massive meltdown. I really needed it though. It's been building up for so long and I finally needed to release.
James flew home from Singapore for the weekend to spend some time with us, he is home for 3 days and flies out tomorrow for another 10 days of business in Singapore. I miss him terribly when he is away. Like most spouses, I know. But I don't live near my family and I often feel isolated and lonely, living in the big smoke.
So the picture above is very similiar to what I resembled, an hour ago on the sofa. Weeping and sulking to my husband.
I usually love a good cry. A soppy movie. A sad book. An emotional ad about nappies or child birth or labour usually gets the tears going.
But lately, my cries have been, well, scary. Mole hills turn into mountains. Things are blown out of proportion. I throw all sense and logic out the window and don't think rationally, which leads to these meltdowns of emotion and fear.
Fear of the unknown. Fear of the future, of change. Fear of losing control, of having no control.
Remember your childhood, when the only thing you worried about was getting roused on by your parents? Or losing a weekend sports game? You never worried about the future.
Fast forward to now. A 28 year old wife and mother. And I find myself constantly worrying. About everything. About finding a playgroup with like-minded mothers. About making sure Abi hits her targets in swim class and Gymbaroo. Making sure I read 5-10 books to her a day. That she is developing normally. That I am being the best wife I can be. Then I stop. And realise, you can't worry about all these things, all the time. I need to learn to ponder on these issues every now and then, but I can't let them rule my life.
Meltdown over.
xoxo
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