24 hours

The last 24 hours have been rough. Really rough. I'm feeling slightly better this evening but woah mumma, I was a bag of emotions last night.

Yesterday morning we had a photographer friend come to the apartment to take some family photos. And it just wasn't meant to be. Edward was unsettled for 90% of the shoot, as you can expect with a newborn. At one stage, he was lying nude on this beanbag and I picked him up for a cuddle and he wee'd and poo'd all over me. It was hilarious. Abi didn't want to be in any photos and I was a terrible mother, offering her bribes like candy, cupcakes and lollies and she finally caved and smiled for about 10 photos.

After the photographer left, Edward slept briefly while we lunched and cleaned the apartment. Then off we went to Castle Hill to visit the Early Childhood Clinic for Edward's 1st check-up. The nurse was a complete bitch. She said all the wrong things. Also, she looked like a slightly slimmer version of Mama Fratelli from The Goonies.

Edward has lost 20 grams since being discharged from hospital and this nurse really came down on me hard about it. It really shook my confidence and made me feel like a failure. I'm not following any set guidelines and I'm demand feeding him whenever he wants and she basically implied that I have been neglectful.

After we left the clinic, while James minded Edward in the car, Abi and I popped into Castle Towers to buy a dummy for Edward and some breastpads for myself. I got tired walking through the mall and a little shocked that this will be my life in a few weeks. Suburban house wife. With 2 kids. It rattled me abit and I got back to the car and confessed to James that I will miss city living sometimes.

Things really got bad on the drive home. I started to feel weird. And by the time we got home and started dinner, my whole body shutdown. I got the chills and shakes, a high fever, my hands and feet were cold and purple, my nails were white, my teeth chattering and then I looked down at my chest. Bright red, sore, lumpy boob. Mastitis. I had developed mastitis with Abigail as well but it resolved itself without antibiotics. I sat in the sofa while James contemplated calling an ambulance because he was so worried.

Abigail wasn't herself either, crying and whingey, which didn't help the situation. She had a slight fever too. Poor James was running around, taking care of all of us. We finally got her into bed and I had a big cry to James about how I felt. I took a long hot shower and tried to massage the lumps out. I climbed into bed at 11pm, exhausted and emotional. At 3am when Edward woke for his feed, I woke up and felt wet. The entire side of my bed was wet with sweat. My whole body was covered in sweat. I cried the entire time I fed him. Doubting myself and telling James that maybe I should give up breastfeeding and switch to formula.

This morning, I made an appt to see a Doctor and took Abi along too to have her checked over. She and James both had a tummy virus last week with lots of vomiting and diorrhea so I thought maybe she wasn't completely better yet. After an excruciating long visit with this new Dr, it was determined that Abi has a bad case of thrush and a possible urinary tract infection. I have mastitis with a possible urinary tract infection as well so off we went to the pharmacy to fill our new scripts of drugs. I also got a script for some motillium to help with my milk supply.

Walking in the city was terrible, I will never get used to how terrible some people treat eachother. Even though I'm not pregnant anymore, I still feel tender and sore. And people just walked into me, and Abigail, which made me sick. Pushing a little 2.5 year old, out of their way, whilst talking on their iphone and smoking at the same time. Sometimes I just want to punch some people.

We got home and started our meds. I was supposed to try and catch urine in a pee cup from Abigail, mid stream, which is IMPOSSIBLE with a toddler. So I sterilised her potty and she did a wee on there and I filled the cup that way. James ran the urine sample back to the medical centre this afternoon and we will get the results later in the week. She seems better already with the cream to treat the thrush.

I still feel pretty rough. No fever, but still clammy and have the chills. My boob is super sore. I'm emotional, so emotional. I keep reminding myself, it's only been 2 weeks since Edward was born, but I'm so hard on myself. I want the breastfeeding to work now, with no sore boobs and no more sore nipples. And for my sweet babe Abi to be all better.

James has uni exams this week for Grad School and has been trying to study at the same time. God only knows how he juggles it all.

So yes, it's been a HELLISH 24 hours. I feel like a need a holiday! I know things will get easier. It's still early days. We are all still adjusting to life as 4. I just want the house to be ready so we can move in and get settled. I have no idea how the HELL we are going to move house in 1 month with a newborn...